Friday, March 5, 2010

The Actual Pinball Wizard

The Actual Pinball Wizard suffered a great injustice throughout his life.

His mutant power, freakish skills at pinball, would instantly remind people of 70's rock band The Who and their "Pinball Wizard" song. Much like the Michael Bolton character from Office Space, The Actual Pinball Wizard hated the apt titled song. His blood pressure would rise when asked if he was "a deaf dumb and blind kid" which inevitably always happened after introducing himself at mutant parties. Teenage mutants can be so cruel.

Despite his poor name The Actual Pinball Wizard did have one moment of glory. When the gate that separates hell and earth was torn during the "Satan Is Going to Fuck Shit Up" series Professor X read the mind of one of Satan's minions who he found out could not resist taking bets on games of skill.

The Actual Pinball Wizard pwnd Satan's minion, scoring Professor Xavier $50 and a day long truce between good and evil.

That night Satan snuck into the Actual Pinball Wizard's room and made him suffer 'death of a thousand paper cuts' - which we are told isn't as bad as the name suggests.

And that was the tale of The Actual Pinball Wizard - who died giving the X-Men a day off and a $50 bottle of nice whiskey.

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