Sunday, November 4, 2007

Turfman

Ask almost any mutant about Turfman and you'll get one of two responses. 1) "Who?" or 2) "Yeah. Harmless." It was this second response that led to his untimely demise. T-man's skill set consisted of making sure that any planned battle between Magneto's crew and Professor X's would be on the most plush of terrains. Yes, that's right. Turfman was blessed with the seemingly underwhelming ability to produce 5x5 sheets of luscious, green astro-turf at will. You might think of him as the grounds keeper of the ongoing saga that would determine the future of our planet. That's at least how he saw himself.

Sadly, as we all know, there are very few battles that are planned out as such. I mean, if he was around for the Sharks Vs. the Jets, he probably would've been pumped about knowing where and when said fight would take place. He'd get an average of a job a month doing what he felt was a service to all mutants. This lasted through the latter part of his teen years but as work became less consistent (mainly due to the consistent travel of most big shot mutants) he found a career in the sports world. He had success utilizing his powers in the human realm, but yet again, there came a time when no more new stadiums were being built and the satisfaction he once had, providing a comfortable fighting ground, had been lost.

Turfman was lucky enough to die doing what he loved best. In an epic battle between Colossus and Juggernaut, Turfman noticed that two of his 5x5 squares were curling at the corners. Without even bothering to look around, he made a mad dash out to the field only to have his skull stepped on by a trouncing Juggernaut. After the battle, no one even noticed.

1 comment:

rebecca said...

i really, really thought he was real. i'm pretty depressed that he isn't.